Have You Ever Felt This Way?

Have you ever felt things are closing in into you?

Closing in so badly that you feel trapped and helpless.

You are all cooped up within the mixed emotions.

As they close in, they deny you of your breathing space, they deny you of your space for movement.

You are overwhelmed.

You break down and can only cry in silent.

You can only grab your hair in frustration and wallow in sorrow.

You can only curl up in the most possible comfortable position and make do with whatever space that  is left for you.

You seek comfort by hoping that they will eventually go away.

You lie to yourself and say "Well, I'm fine", put on a fake smile, and you continue your everyday routine as per normal.

That masked smile, real as it seems to be,

deep down in you heart, you hope that there is someone who will be able to see through it.

Unfortunately, no one did.

Maybe, no one ever will.

You desire for freedom.

You have that strong urge to break free from everything else which is trapping you.

Yes. You know you want it.

Very badly.

You start searching for strength and faith within you.

But you couldn't, for everything has already devoured you till there's nothing left of you.

Dedicated to your troubled soul~

To The Lost Soul

Singing to the dark through open eyes

While dreaming I see only you and me

Stuck between desire and compromise

You're leaving me scars scattered in my heart

A road map of all the places you have been

And I can't escape, can't wash this away

Love has burned your mark so deep within

My Keloid Removal (Excision) Updates And Keloid Removal via Injection

 Hello everybody!

In my previous post, I shared my experience with Keloid Removal via excision and today I am going to do some updates about it. 

And and! I will be putting up a video footage of stitch removal.

Last Monday, I popped by over the Doctor's to remove the stiches.

Here are some photos of the stitches.

This photo was taken a few days after the surgery.
You can see that the keloid surgery wounds are pretty swelled up but it is normal.

And this was taken approximately 2 weeks after the surgery.

Not much swelling but it still look ugly as hell with the stitches.

Going back for stitch removing was not as bad as the first time when I went there for surgery.
I did not feel that nervous anymore.


For those who are wondering, it didn't hurt during the removal of stitches.
But, at some point of time, you may feel as though an ant was nipping on your ear. That kind of pain was really bearable.


Everything was done in a jiffy.
I shall leave you to watch the video footage first.
I assure you that it is not gore. =)

It was a short and sweet procedure isn't it?

Visible surgery scars are inevitable but the Doctor did prescribe a Scar Serum for it.

Yes, my ear do look distorted and wrinkly. But the Doctor assured me that my ear would puff back to its normal shape after a few days, which it did.  Ok, I would say back to its normal shape but it look better than before, it does not look that distorted. I can only hope that my ear is not going to disappoint me.

In previous post, I also did mention that smaller Keloids can be removed via Injection instead of Excision.

I had the Injection to remove the small Keloid in my ear on that day itself.

Look at the difference!

It is almost magical!

I am glad that everything is healing pretty well!

What Cam Are You Using ?

If you are referring to the camera used for taking photos in http://tiffanyintaintedlove.blogspot.com/2012/04/my-first-experience-at-landscape.html, it is Alpha A700 with kit lens. =)

Ask me anything you want to know (●*∩_∩*●)

A Short Story of My Lil Sweetheart

This little sweetheart of mine passed away on the 7th April 2012.

She was with me since Aug/Sept 2010.

She was different from other hamsters which I had before.

She wasn't bought at any pet shop. My ex-boyfriend got her together with 4 other hamsters from his friend, who can't handle too many hamsters.

She was so young at that point of time.

What I heard was that in the nest of hamsters, she was the one who got bullied by the others. And the worst thing was, his friend actually placed all of them together in a Tupperware! I suppose you can guess what happened. 

As I went over to a Pet Shop to get a larger hamster cage, these little ones started bullying her and got into a huge fight.

It was so bad that she was wounded and was bleeding.

I felt very helpless and could only shake the Tupperware in hope that it would break up the fight. Unfortunately, it was useless.

I approached the Pet Shop Assistant to help me get her out of that hell hole.

Initially I did have the thought of keeping all of them, but I was so damn pissed with the others for hurting her and decided to give the rest to a young couple who were looking for hamsters in the shop. I felt that she needs more care and love than the rest of the hamsters.

I got a new hamster cage for her as the one at my house was already occupied by another hamster.

That poor little one was so shaken up that she kept hiding in a corner of the cage. My mum helped me with cleaning her wounds and soon after, she got all better.

 She was super duper naughty and love chewing on stuffs.

And she does all kind of funny sleeping poses.

She's definitely a rubbish eater!

I remembered there's once I posted this photo in FB with caption of her trying to get back into her cage. Most were pretty surprised with it as this was not expected from hamsters.

Well, I think she must be feeling damn annoyed with us for carrying her in and out repeatedly.

She brought alot of joy to my family, just like any other hamsters I had before.

Then, on the night of 7th April, my younger brother and mother informed me that she seems to be leaving soon. My brother mentioned that when he was leaving the house, she doesn't seem to be active and was reluctant to move when nudged.

I rushed back home as soon as possible but unfortunately, she had already left when I reached home.

Tears still flow down my cheeks as I am typing this. It was that heartbreaking. 

My pets are my life. 

I went to the extent of skipping my school lessons and rushed back home to my previous hamster which is showing signs of leaving. I rushed back home to accompany her and walk with her through it. It happened a year plus ago. 

I don't even mind spending money on them to treat them.

3 years back, I once bought another of my hamster to a vet, and people were telling me why bother with it? With that sum of money, I could get dozens of other new hamsters! I fucked them up immediately. How much more heartless can they be? 

Back to main story, my mum helped with wrapping her up nicely, placing her in a wooden box and burying her. My mum consoled me and said "Just let her go. That's life. Don't worry, she will be in good hands."

I love you.

just curious.. how tall and heavy are u?

Erm... I'm standing at 1.60m and weighs 38.8kg (very unhealthy weight).

Ask me anything you want to know (●*∩_∩*●)

Is Korean pop making u sick yet?

Nope. That's because I don't follow them and neither am I paying much attention to them. (✿◠‿◠)

Ask me anything you want to know (●*∩_∩*●)

how long did it take you to get your 2b license? you passed on first attempt? :)

If im not wrong, it was 6 months or so. I stopped for a month or so due to my eye infection. And nope, I passed on the second attempt. XD

Ask me anything you want to know (●*∩_∩*●)

My First Experience At Landscape Photographing

Aloha! I'm back!

I know I have been gone for like 10 days and hence, I'm going to do one long post to make it up. LoL!

In my previous post where I blogged about my Keloid Removal, its surgery wounds are healing up pretty well. Got to head to the Doctor's to remove the stitches.

Anyway, I did something out of the norm a few weeks back.

Usually, I would be the one who is standing in front of the camera, but! I was behind the camera for a change.

With guidance from Mike, Brian and LPW, I took a shot at Landscape Photographing.

The photos were taken at MBS (Marina Bay Sands) and Esplanade whereby they had this I-Light happening. They had Light Exhibits over at Marina Floating Bay.

This is my first time at it, hence, my photos might not be up to your standards. Plus, the photos are edited with Photoscape since I'm not good with Adobe Photoshop. Please don't feel too disappointed with my work. 

Here it goes!

The I-Light at MBS was spectacular.

The photos look somewhat similar as I was trying to capture its animations.

I love the rays of light to bits!

Without some help, I doubt I would not be able to capture these beautiful moments.

I have to admit that it is pretty different taking landscape photography from portraits (I have tried once with a model).

One can request that a model to stay still with the consistent lighting or lighting all properly set up. But with landscape, no way are you going to get that perfect lighting and that's where knowledge of photography comes into good use. I don't know if I am making any good sense here, but that was what in my mind.

That, unfortunately is what I was lacking of. With guidance, I did a lot of trials and errors.

Brian tried one way of taking photo and I tried it too. 

The results are interesting and no 2 photos will ever look the same.

This effect gives the extra "oomph" to the photo. You get what I mean.

That kind of effect which you totally don't have to Photoshop for.

This Helix Bridge is one of my favourite shots.

With the same technique, look at what results I have gotten from this seemingly-normal Light Exhibit (Marina Floating Bay).

I love how the lights from the buildings are being "pulled" too.

This somehow reminds me of  Razor.

It amuses me how funny the results can turn out, looking all ridiculous.

There was another light exhibit over at Marina Floating Bay.

"Neon-men" would light up in co-ordination with the music provided..

There's a story behind each sequence. Very Artsy-Fartsy.

I love this shot of the "Neon-Men" the most!

I made an animated GIF Image of them!

This is yet another my favourite shot.
I love the clouds to the max!

And this!
THIS IS MY FAVOURITE PHOTO OF ALL!

Love how alien-ish it looks.

All in all, it was a great experience!

Which sport is better. Soccer or Basketball?

If it is playing which sport is better, definitely it is Basketball! At least it involves in more parts of the body as compared to Soccer and, you can run around the court like a crazy bitch waving crazily. =D
But, Soccer match is nicer to watch than Basketball match.

Ask me anything you want to know (●*∩_∩*●)

If you have $100, what is the 1 thing you'll buy?

I rarely spend $100 on single stuff. I would rather use that money to buy many many little stuffs that I like. XD

Ask me anything you want to know (●*∩_∩*●)

My Ear Went Under The Knife!

Just that average girl who may or may not be perfect to you~

WOAH! 

I realized I haven't been updating for quite awhile. I was reminded to write more by someone on ChatterBox. *Feeling guilty to the max*

Sometimes, I have got this tingling feeling of blogging but I was thinking if it is something my readers are even bothered to read or interested in. So, ya....

My apologies to my avid readers and were disappointed with the lack of updates~

And yes, my ear did went under the knife last Wednesday. No joke!

To be precise, I had a surgery done on my left ear at an Aesthetic Clinic.

Cosmetic and Aesthetic Surgery are commonly known as kind of Plastic Surgery.

 The definitions for Aesthetic Surgery and Reconstructive Surgery are subjective, hence I am not very sure which category does mine fall under. Reading up online is not helpful at all since different sites offer different perspectives of it.

But in any case, the purpose of this surgery was to remove the Keloid on my left ear.

Reasons being:

1. It is increasing in size as years passed by.

2. It is sure ugly as fuck.

3. Not sure if it would become something nasty.

See that abnormal bump on my ear?

Yes! That bitch has been growing on me for 5 years or so.

It started showing its hideous presence as a teeny weeny bump after I have gotten myself second Helix Piercing.

And it decided to dominate that 2 piercing sites!

Sometimes, it being a bitch, itches and hurts for no apparent reasons.

Because of this, I dare not to have any more piercings for the fear of the growth of Keloid for 5 freaking years! To think I love piercings so much.

It eventually grew to the size that a friend asked if I had an implant on my ear!

I searched online what are the possible treatments for keloids. Apparently, a surgery is inevitable for a keloid that size. I totally dropped the idea of heading to the Doctor's as I was afraid. 

Afraid of the injections and being under the knife!

Eventually, I was encouraged and brought to the Clinic for the removal of that cursed keloid.

The doctor commented that it has kind of hardened.

She commented that I should have seek for Doctor's help when it first appeared. During it's initial growth, it can be removed by Cortisone Injections (Intralesional Steroids). And now, I have no choice but to remove it by excision.

So! If anyone of you noticed any abnormal growth on your piercings, please please please, visit a Doctor! 

She made it known to me that there are chances of recurring growth, depending on individuals.

To prevent that, I have got to return for injections.

I was debating if I should go for it.

I was afraid of recurring growth into something of bigger size.

I really can't stand the idea of being under the knife.

I was given assurance that everything will be fine and that if I did not take the risk, I would never know how the results would be. I might be lucky to not have any recurring growth, even if it does, it can be kept under control. I then decided to go ahead with the removal of the keloid.

As I was getting myself prepared, my mind was blank and I could hear my heart thumping away loudly.

It was my first time on a god-damn surgical table.

I lied down on my sides while the assistant cleaned my ear thoroughly. 

I asked "Would I be conscious?" The answer was yes. 

But she assured me that it would be painless and I wouldn't be able to see anything.

That kind of fear while I'm lying there was un-describable.

I was freaking tensed up.

I jokingly mentioned that those who went under the knife for beauty are brave.

The surgeon then came into the room and informed me that  anesthetic injection are given on 5 different points of my ears.

Injections just scare the crap out of me since young.

I kept telling myself "Hey! It would not hurt that much! It would be just the same as any ear piercings that I have done! No worries! The injections would be over soon!"

IT HURT LIKE A BITCH!

So painful that I was giddy and nauseous!

I tried my very best to keep my tears in and not to cry, but it was impossible!

I felt very warm and uncomfortable.

She then proceeded on removing the keloid.

The urge of vomitting was strong that I have to inform her. 

All she did was to instruct her assistant to lower the temperature of the air conditioner.

That move! It was magical!

When the temperature was lowered, I felt better already.

Though my ear was numb, I could feel her nipping and tugging at my ear.

During the surgery, the surgeon commented that it was difficult to cut it away since it has sort of hardened.

At this point of time, I felt less tense and managed to relax myself totally.

I then realised how Comestic Plastic Surgery can be addictive.

Yes, you may feel the fear when you are first at it, but after you have gotten over the fear, it would be a breeze. Nothing else hurts. OK! This may not be what others think, but this is at least what I think so.

Back to the topic, the whole procedure, injection, removal of keloid and stitching up the wound are all done in less than an hour. 

Here's a photo of the keloid removed.

Disgusting isn't it?

Finally that bitch is out of my ear!

You see that small bump in front of the stitches?

Yes, that is another keloid. The surgeon said that it is impossible to remove it at the same time as there wouldn't be enough extra skin for her to stitch up.

The kind of stitching she did was layering stitching so that the surgery scar would not be too obvious.

However, that little keloid can be removed by injections instead.

Here's how the stitches look like.

I know it is ugly.

The assistant applied antiseptic cream on my surgical wound and wrapped a piece of gauze around it.

I believed it is to act as a cushion for it.

I was encouraged not to put pressure on it for fear of opening up the wounds. Hence, the first few nights, I had to sleep on my right side. For those who are wondering if it hurts when the anesthetic effect wears off, it does hurt a little but it was bearable.

Till now, I'm still on Antibiotics to prevent any infections.

Now, all I hope that it would heal up well and there are no recurring growths!

P.S. Updates on Keloid Removal at http://tiffanyintaintedlove.blogspot.com/2012/04/keloid-removal-excision-updates-and.html#