Stop Labeling Me As An Anorexic Already

This is a pure ranting post!

I have enough of  people passing the remark that I am anorexic.

NO! I'M NOT FUCKING ANOREXIC!

I can totally understand when my friends tell me to eat more. I understand where they are coming from. They know me. 

But being labelled as an anorexic by strangers? ( I still can accept people calling me skinny as I can't deny that fact.) It is almost like an insult to me.  It is the same as them passing a remark "Hey! She/he is fat." They don't know my eating habits and my lifestyle.

And no, I'm not trying to flaunt my skinny-ness here. I'm not proud of it.

Yes, I am skinny...

But definitely not anorexic!

My kitten is depicting exactly how I am feeling.

The word is Frustration.

Continue reading and I will tell you why I am not anorexic.

But first, let's define someone who is an anorexic.

Someone who is an anorexic has an eating disorder that is characterized by the belief that he or she is fat, even when this person is dangerously thin. An anorexic have an eating disorder called Anorexia Nervosa, whereby a person can literally starve himself or herself to death. Anorexics have an intense and overwhelming fear of body fat and weight gain, with repeated dieting attempts and excessive weight loss.

Now, let's take a look at the symptoms of Anorexia.

- A refusal to eat

- An intense desire to be thin

- Repeated dieting attempts

- Excessive weight loss

- Refuses to maintain the minimal body weight

- Misses at least 3 consecutive menstrual cycles

Let me clear the air once and for all. I'm sick of repeating myself again and again.

First and foremost, I DO NOT HAVE ANY EATING DISORDER. It's just that I have a very small appetite and hence, I eat many small meals. I don't starve myself to death! I don't avoid food, I don't even avoid oily foods which some girls do. You will never ever hear me saying "Oh no! I'm going to get fat by eating these." Never! In fact, I love junk food and eat them between meals.

Secondly, I do not fear of gaining weight. In fact, I'm hungry for it.

I know very well that I'm skinny. I have girls telling me how they are envious of me. But I told them no, they wouldn't be. Not all clothes look great on a skinny body like mine. 

In fact. I envy them. I want to have a curvier body with a booty. 

I mean I'm already happy with my body shape with my given weight, but of course more would be better. ;)

Just so to let you know, I have been underweight since the day I was born. It's up to you to believe it or not. My mum was pretty much worried that she had tried all means to make me gain weight but to no avail. I remember vividly how my mum used to give us appetite boosters tablets to eat. It was the orange and sweet kind.

Standing at 1.6m, my supposed minimal weight is 51kg and now I'm only 37.5kg.

My weight has been fluctuating between 37kg and 40kg all these years.

The heaviest I've gotten was only a mere 45kg (5-6 years ago) after gaining an 8kg. I was taken back.

I went home telling my Grandma and my family. I was ecstatic. It was a pleasant surprise for all of them but that damn 8kg, isn't really noticeable on my body except for my face. Only my cheeks grew chubbier. My Grandma jokingly said where the hell has the 8kg gone to. However, it did not last for more than a week. I lost weight even though I was eating normally. 

It was a short-lived joy.

No matter how much I eat, it seems impossible for me to gain weight. It would take months for me to gain 1-2 kg but only a few days to lose it. It's difficult to maintain my weight, let alone gaining weight. I blame it on high metabolism rate.

From my understanding, eating small meals actually do not encourage weight-gaining and I tried eating large meals. Well, that didn't work out well for me either. I feel sick after eating large meals, therefore I reverted back to eating many small meals.

What's good about being skinny?

There's nothing good about it.

I don't look good in everything, especially in classic office wear.

I can't find any jeans which fits me really well.

Speaking of jeans, let me talk about shorts. I have been criticised about my short shorts.

What they don't understand is that as the size of shorts increases, its length increases proportionally right. Correct me if I'm wrong. 

But I'm wearing S size shorts to accommodate my small thighs, so the shorts would naturally look shorter on my long legs. Am I right? If I'm short like 1.5m+, then the pair of S size shorts would look perfectly fine on me, but I'm 1.6m.

Not only do I have difficulty in searching for suitable jeans but also shorts. It is really difficult to find a pair of small sized shorts with a length deemed decent as shorts for my height, not short shorts.

At least my own shorts doesn't expose my butt cheeks like nobody's business.

Continuing the list are...

I'm labelled as an anorexic though I am not one.

My female lumps shrink. It's depressing.

Because I'm severely underweight, I've got low blood pressure and low blood sugar. As a result, I get giddy or fainting spells at times. At times, migraines can occur. Fun meh?

But I'm glad I'm healthy generally. I rarely fall sick and my menstrual cycle is regular.

Now you know what it really is, so don't anyhow label me as an Anorexic ok.

Fanciful Splash of Milk

Had been pretty much occupied the past few days.

The damned insomnia didn't make anything better for me. I could easily go sleepless for as long as 36 hours and then I would get a 10 hours of sleep. It would be fine if I haven't got anything on, but it just sucks when I need to go to work with that condition.

Can you just imagine my frustrations?

That happened on the 4th of August. I went for a photoshoot without any darn sleep. I swear I could hardly focus while riding.

That aside, this photoshoot deviates from other shoots I have done. 

The theme for this is "Milk". The whole idea was to splash milk over me.

I was pretty much excited wondering how would the whole shoot turn out.

Yeah, I had milk and water splashed over me for 4 hours (with short breaks in between of course).

You can say I've got a good milk bathe!

If I recall correctly, 5kg of milk powder and numerous packets of fluid milk were used for this shoot.

That's a whole lot of milk!

Each time before I change to a new outfit, I am splashed with water to wash off the milk. Hence, there are photos are water splashing instead of milk.

My fingers ended up pruning.

I have to admit that the first few shots were pretty screwed up because of my face.

My face was giving the kind of "Oh fuck! Milk is coming! Gotta cringe my face!" look.

Oh man! I didn't want the whole shoot to turn out to be futile and kept telling myself I gotta keep my cool. Gotta Maintain! Gotta keep my freaking eyes open!

One of the photographers told me that it's ok, it's normal for me to shut my eyes when I see milk splashing towards me. lol!

Ah ha! After few splashes, I managed to keep my eyes opened.

But the bad thing was, milk repeatedly went into my eyes and my sight turned blurry.

Curse you damn milk!

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS!

I love how the milk splash ended up looking like a piece of clothing on me!

Don't you love it too?

It wasn't scary to have milk or water constantly splashing at me, but it HURTS LIKE A BITCH when it entered up my nostrils and ears. I gagged and my ears were blocked up. There were a few times I was pushed sideways when the splash was freaking huge.

The smell of milk stayed in my hair for two days although I have washed my tresses numerous times with tonnes of shampoos.

Despite all these, I am really glad that the photos turned out well. 

Patience from the photographers, the preparations and pain were not all for nothing!

I am really happy with the results!

Photo credits to: Mike S, Fixalation Photo and Ben Yeow.

P.S. Gotta take a look at the photos taken by the other photographers.

On  a side note, Fixalation was saying how this photo looks like a Merlion!

I can't agree anymore!

Getting Down & Dirty: Bike Rim Chroming - The DIY Way

Booya!

Perhaps you can already tell what is today's blog post about from my Title.


Yup, I had my bike rim chromed in Feb (with the help of none other than DBT). I was too lazy to blog about it back then. Before the rims are chromed, it was reflective rim stickers.

DBT suggested that I should chrome my bike rim (the DIY way) since the reflective stickers are sort of peeling off and it distort the shape of the rim. I pasted the stickers on myself and hence, it was pasted on in a perfect circle shape.


We went over to Mustafa to get necessary stuffs.
It was really easy to chrome your own rims but be prepared to spend a lot of time on it.


So, it is really a good way to pass your time if you are dying of boredom. Plus! I think you need not spend more than $50 on getting the stuffs. Save tons of money from sending it to bike shop to do the work. However, it is back-aching work.


*DO NOT TRY THIS IF YOU DO NOT HAVE THE PATIENCE*


I believe you would not want to ride your bike out if your rims are in half-fucked condition

Here are some stuffs that you need before you proceed on chroming your rim :


1) Paint Remover ($6.50 from Mustafa Lvl 4)


2) Thinner (Very important! Splash this over the area where you had the Paint Remover in contact with your skin. The Paint Remover stings your skin very badly!)


3) Paintbrush ( Tip: get those with neat brush ends)


4) Sandpaper - 800 and 1000


5) A container (For easy dipping your brush in Paint Remover duh!)


6) Masking Tape (Optional, unless you have a pair of steady hands)


7) Autosol or any Chrome Polish


Optional: Snack and drinks

Everything prepared!


Let's get down and dirty then.


Step 1: Sticking The Masking Tape
P.S. Remove your rim stickers (if you have any) prior to this ok?


You can totally skip this if you think you have a pair of steady hands.


The purpose of doing this is to ensure that you do not get the Paint Remover at areas where it should not be. It is also to protect your precious tyres from it.

Tip: Tear the masking tape in short pieces so that you can stick it around the rims easier.

It should look somewhat like that when you are done. 


Step 2: Applying The Paint Remover


Now that you can apply the Paint Remover on with ease since there are masking tapes.

Tip: Don't dip your brush directly into the can of Paint Remover.
One, after a few dips, don't be surprised if your brush ended up in a bad shape with the bristles in all directions.
Two, the rest of the Paint Remover left in the can would not be that effective anymore.


Be good and pour some of it into another container.

Apply a few good coats of it.


It will take quite some time for it to work its magic on the paint.
Meanwhile, you can continue to sticking masking tapes/applying Paint Remover on the other side of the rim.


Or!
Sit back, relax, snack on your tidbits and monkey around.

This photo taken by DBT is so unflattering!

After some time, the paint would look some what like this.

You can start by gently scraping off the paint with either the brush or something else.
But be careful not to scratch your rims.


If some of the paint are not coming off, don't go scraping it even harder.
Leave it for awhile more or apply some of the Paint Remover.


When you are pretty sure that the paint are coming off, wash them off with water. 
Check for any paint left on the rim.


If so, apply the Paint Remover on it again.

(DIY Chromed rim)

(With reflective rim stickers)


Check out the difference of having reflective rim stickers and chromed rims!
It looks so much nicer!


Step 3: Sanding With 800 and 1000


Splash a bit of water onto the rims before you start sanding.


First, sand with 800 followed by 1000.
This is to sand away any dirt and ensure a smooth and nice surface before you start polishing.

Result of putting water and sandpaper together.


Step 4: Touching Up With Spray Paint (Optional)


This is purely optional.
In my case, parts of the black paint of the rims came off exposing the orange base-paint.


It was truly an ugly sight.


Hence, I have them covered with black spray paint.
You can also use this method to cover off the wavy lines.

To do this, use short strips of masking tapes to cover the chrome part of the rim.
Make sure that the side edges of the masking tapes form a perfect circle.
After that, proceed to spray on the paint carefully.


Leave the paint to dry.


Step 5: Polishing


When the paint is dry, remove the masking tapes and start polishing!


And then, YOU ARE DONE!

That's all for now!


Have fun chroming your own rims!


P.S. I did the sanding part while my DBT did the paint removing part. He couldn't stand me playing with the Paint Remover.

Have You Ever Felt This Way?

Have you ever felt things are closing in into you?

Closing in so badly that you feel trapped and helpless.

You are all cooped up within the mixed emotions.

As they close in, they deny you of your breathing space, they deny you of your space for movement.

You are overwhelmed.

You break down and can only cry in silent.

You can only grab your hair in frustration and wallow in sorrow.

You can only curl up in the most possible comfortable position and make do with whatever space that  is left for you.

You seek comfort by hoping that they will eventually go away.

You lie to yourself and say "Well, I'm fine", put on a fake smile, and you continue your everyday routine as per normal.

That masked smile, real as it seems to be,

deep down in you heart, you hope that there is someone who will be able to see through it.

Unfortunately, no one did.

Maybe, no one ever will.

You desire for freedom.

You have that strong urge to break free from everything else which is trapping you.

Yes. You know you want it.

Very badly.

You start searching for strength and faith within you.

But you couldn't, for everything has already devoured you till there's nothing left of you.

Dedicated to your troubled soul~

To The Lost Soul

Singing to the dark through open eyes

While dreaming I see only you and me

Stuck between desire and compromise

You're leaving me scars scattered in my heart

A road map of all the places you have been

And I can't escape, can't wash this away

Love has burned your mark so deep within

The Girl Who Isn't As Frail As You Thought She Would Be

Boo-ya!

Had this real impromptu shoot after a Runaway Bride shoot at Sentosa about two weeks ago.
And I haven't had any sleep for like 24 hours.


I think the theme was thought of at the very last minute too, but nevertheless, it still turn out great!


Photo credits to Fixalation, Leon and Mike S.

Bryan suggested a theme like "Samurai Warrior" as depicted in one of the mangas.


I started googling about Onna Musha which is Female Samurai in English, and found one website which provided a good decent load of information.

"From the website "Defensive Weapons of the Japanese Samurai" comes the following paragraph:

"Women from Samurai families were often trained to defend themselves with a rather extraordinary concealed weapon peculiar to their gender. When dressed formally, Japanese women usually wore one or more long pins, called kansashi, hidden in their hair. Kansashi were approximately six inches long and primarily served to keep a woman's long hair up and in place. The pins were also quite capable of piercing an attacker's chest or throat in an emergency."

Samurai women rarely took to the battlefield, but they were responsible primarily for the defence of the home and children. Like their men-folk, personal homour was paramount, and they were also prepared to die in defence on the honour of the family. As such, Samuarai women carried small daggers.

Other weapons used by female Samurai were the naginata (used at close range similar to a halberd), the kaiken (knife or dagger), and the bow and arrow. The kaiken had a secondary use - women, especially court women, used the kaien to perform jigai (ritual suicide by slashing of the throat).

Another role of Samurai women was the washing and preparation of the decapitated heads of the enemy. These were then presented to the victorious Samurai generals."

It was then the Army Theme.


I thought that no pimples would come visiting me if I were to wash the camo off right after the shoot.
But I was so freaking wrong! An evil pimple decided to appear on my chin which I totally conquered it with Nixoderm. Muahaha!


VICTORY IN MY HANDS! *throws confetti and pops champagne*


Actually, I did thought of joining the Navy (not for the desk-bound work) and asked my mummy if she would mind. Apparently she doesn't mind.


But I figured that I would probably just die there. I would probably fare poorly with my skins and bones. My sensitive skin would just get to my nerves, imagine a trip down to Sentosa beach is enough for me to have rashes over my legs and arms. 

They were like saying how my face turned out be cute looking instead of fierce with camo on and Leon decided to edit my face. >.<

Be  who you want to be.

Don't be the one whom others thought of you to be.