The person you love the most have the best capacity to make you the happiest person in the world and may give you the worst heartache you can ever imgaine

Im Still Not Convinced... Perhaps It Would Be Better for Me to Turn Away

there are so many stuffs within me that i have to let it off... but i dunno how to get it started...

im in such a confused state... so lost... but i shall try though..

why do the same things keep happenin again and again...

it has only been slightly two weeks after the time i felt like givin up, and i felt the same thing again strongly last friday... imgaine, me feeling so strong of doin smth 2 times in 2 weeks... it shows how bad it really is...

i cant emphasise even more how much i hate it when u dun do wad u say..

u promised me again and again that u would change, that u never do it again but it was just all empty words.. why do u always have to make mistakes and then say sorry to me... it happened way too many times.. it is almost like you are making "saying sorry" your habit... it showed pretty much of your character...

i cant trust anymore now...

it will take me for a long time to fully trust/believe again...

also, like i have always said, each time we quarrel, each time the "B" word comes out, i am learning to start letting go of everything... in my previous post, i have mentioned that "i am ready to give it all up" and i guessed that i have really done that... more or less, i have already let everything go...

perhaps, this is why im feelin this great confusion within me....

though we are back together again, but i definitely cant say that everything is in place again..

NO WAY!!!

no doubt that you have been treating me pretty nice all this while and it took me a long time to trust and believe in you...

however, you disappointed me time and time again...

for me, to be able to stay in a relationship for long enough would be gaining my trust fully and i can believe in you without any doubts...

will that happen all depends on you..

i really have no idea of what to do next...

take it step by step perhaps?

THE CONFUSIONS WITHIN

It is so vexing!!!

u know, there is really a certain limit of my tolerance...

i have tried to tolerate and change for the better for the pass few months and now i realised that i cant do it anymore...

any lil bit of mistakes would just pissed me off so badly...

why do u like to do stuffs that make me pissed off to the max den after that come saying sorry to me??? i find it totally pointless...

besides u know wad i hate the most since i have spelled everything out very clearly...

besides, i have already my fair share of troubles...

im already at the brink of giving up everything,

but why are u not doing anything to make everything better...

instead, u made everything worse...

im ready to give it all up...

this is the freakin huge ugly ass bruise that i gotten on tuesday during bike practical...

it was raining super heavily when i was having practical and yes!!!!

my bike skid at EBrake course... ahahaha....

i think i am super unlucky man... before this incident, i almost got knocked by a car when i dropped the bike... but luckily the learner's car was moving at snail speed and managed to brake in time... the car was like inches away from me...

Spoilt day

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Initially wanted to go chomp chomp for dinner but bike can't start... End up have to go to bike shop to get it fixed.... Man... I'm wondering how long it is gonna take.... I'm famished
By the way, this is my first time blogging using Iphone, and I dun think can edit the font colour... I'm still figuring out though... :)

Bits and Pieces of Thoughts

I MISS YOU SO MUCH!!!!

it is like u are drifting in and out of my life...
i wish that i can see you after so long....

damn... and my birthday is coming really pretty soon but i have zilch idea of how should i celebrate it... i know my dearest friends would be there but...

i have stopped going to bike lessons for near a month... damn suay.... initially it was because of my eyes that i cant attend then it was my leg... im wondering what would happen when i resume back to my practicals... argh... hopefully no major cocked up...

i have no idea why i feel pretty loss recently...
how much i wish i have the answers to it...
it is drainin me pretty much...
i dun even know wad exactly is coming over me...
my friends who haven seen me in quite awhile commented that i have lost weight...
really???
AM I GOING BONKERS?!

YOU CAN NEVER GUESS AND WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT IS EXACTLY ON MY MIND...

it came to me as a huge pleasant surprise when i received ur message the other day..

it was totally unthought of and yet something that i have always been lookin forward to!!!!

set me gigglin and tearin at the same time....

the kind of feelin is almost impossible to describe....

some consequences are just inevitable and we got to acccept it...

If you are going to fall in love with me...

If you are going to fall in love with me, it’s only fair that you know what you are falling in love with.

You are falling in love with my insecurities, and my obsession with trying to figure out what everyone thinks of me. You are falling in love with my immaturity, my stubborness, my inability to trust, my constant need to feel loved and appreciated, my need of being treated like a child at times, my overactive tear ducts, my kuromi obsession, my tendency to be too clingy and my erratic behaviour/temper. You fall in love with my troubled past, and my hopes and dreams, and how I’m a hopeless romantic at heart sometimes.

But, you are also falling in love with the way my eyes will smile when I’m with you, the way I brushes my fingers through your hair, the way I caress your face, the way I’ll text you in the mornings just telling you I hope you have a great day. You’re falling in love with the occasionally humorous and/or heart-provoking things I say, and the way I blush when you lovingly into my eyes sayin "I Love You". But to me, the most important thing will be that you are falling in love with me, despite my thinking that it is impossible.

Random Doodlings on IPhone

all by usin touches of the fingertips...

retook my practical last night, and i was freakin stressed out to the extend i actually weeped... not cry mind you.... in my opinion, i felt that my instructor was relatively fierce as compared to others... and this got me panicky... i can do the stuffs right without him around, but i screwed everything up in his presence.....

another instructor was nice to help me and explained that my instructor might be in a foul mood and helped me... i was pretty grateful...

after a few rounds in the circuit, he asked to stop and rest and that was when i broke down....
diaoz.... -.- damn ps la... i just needed an avenue to release my anxiety.... heh heh... but i passed... maybe it was because of a stroke of luck....

had been feelin rather moody today for some unknown reason.... diaoz...
and this video lifted my spirits... =)

is "assuming something and then acccusing you of that something" a characteristic of guys??? sheesh!!!

Kenneth N upon knowin that i have trouble sleepin, bought these stuffs for me.....

tried it this afternoon when i had trouble gettin back to sleep..

and i have got to say that it somehow helped me to get to sleep... =)

i like the pretty light

i haven been usin essential oil burner for quite a long time...

my mum used to burn this in the house too but in lavender aroma...

slept quite early today but my sleep was disrupted and here i am bloggin again since i cant get back to sleep even though i have just blogged 8 hours ago...

hot chocolate is something that i love alot and this is just the perfect one...

goood durin cold weather or for a quick hot drink to warm the stomach...

i made one for myself durin one of the cold nights...

this is the the chocolate powder....

looks nice ehz...

preboil some water and pour it into a cup tgt with the chocolate powder...

make a small whirlpool in it... hehe...

these marshmallows are extrememly nice to eat it just like that...

like melt-in-your-mouth sweets... =)

viola!!!

ready to drink!!!!

my mummy bought black chicken to cook black chicken soup for us...

den the crazy elmer helped my mum to clean its guts out and washed it clean before dumpin into the pot...

this is where he started his crazy nonsense and my sister took a video and some photos but i chose to post one photo...

the chicken looks kinda eerie to me though...

here u go...

this is the video my sister have taken...

it might be lame to some people but this video brought smile to my face when i was in a foul mood that day... =D

went for Practical and Theory lessons today... woot~ met a new female rider...
she is taller than me la.... diaoz... saw her in theory class and was hopin that she is in the same practical as me and yes she is...

camwhored in the toilet durin the break...
today's theory lesson is not as bored as the first one i have attended...
unfortunately, i have injured my ankle durin practical... a minor one though... damn... i think i must drop the bike at least once every lesson before i learnt my lesson.. -.-

after the theory lesson have to wait for 40 minutes or so alone before the practical lesson commence... and the class consist of only me and the girl, peiyi...
she damn cute and friendly one de los... i feel comfortable talkin to her... =)
and our instructor thought that i was her younger sister when the fact is she is 2 years younger than me... envy her siaz... can learn bike at the age of 19 while i am not allowed to learn when i was at her age...

exchanged contact number and booked for our next theory and practical lessons together... now there is someone to attend classes together with me le and it is a girl!!! happy happy!!!!

moday was a rainy day!!!
the kind of weather i din hoped for...
went over to motorworld to get gloves as J said he would get a pair for me...
he told me how ugly the gloves from school were... like durian gloves...
he was still sayin that he bet i would give up after the first practical cuz i cant tahan...

den went over to M's house to borrow clear visor as mine is tinted..
this stupid someone still say it is impossible for a first -timer to pass he first prac the first time..
got me so worried... wanna knock him on his head for scarin me...
den on my way back to BBDC, it was rainin freakin heavily la..
the heaviest i have ever came across on a bike..
was drenched all inside out... great.... have to rush home and changed into a new set of clothings before headin over to BBDC and it was drizzlin... -.-

was late for my practical budden my instructor was a nice guy...
i was like the only girl in my group... diaoz... and i was still hoping for some girl having the same class as me too... and wearin the raincoat was so warm and stuffy!!! i looked like some idiot wearin oversized raincoat... cant be helped and kept laughin at myself when i looked at my reflection...

wasnt as hard as i had thought...
the hardest part for me is releasin and parkin of bike on its mainstand.... FREAKIN HEAVY LA!!! the instructor have to constanly be beside when im doin this shit... and this is wad he told me "u have to eat more." -.- and yes, i did fell from the bike once!!! i braked and lost my balance... exerted all my strength to stop it from fallin but to no avail... den i thought it would be better if i just fyck it and dropped tgt with the bike... crazy me still can sit beside the bike and laugh... tried liftin the bike and guess wad??!! hell yea, i cant lift it... OMG!!! really got to build some muscles ehz... my left arm and back ached from monday till now and i think i can feel muscles are growin on my left arm!!!

all the sweat and body achin was worthwhile since i passed...
woo hoo... ok la... it may be some child's play to some people but to me it was a big feat...
den after that rushed home again to change a new set (cuz it stinks big time) before goin for theory lesson... all this while J was waitin for me and fetched me around before goin for his drivin lesson in his wet set of clothes... *touched*

hope everything would go smoothly man... den i'll be a happy lil girl... =D

just a random post with random pictures...

this was taken by my brother and i din know it till i saw it in my phone foto albumm.
as u can see, my lil darlin is baldin at his ass's area... but thank god, his fur are growin back now!!! cute!!!!

and my sister told me that stupid Elmer actually fed my baby with WASABI when i was not at home!!!! OMG!!! poor thing.... the poor chap was vigourously drinkin water... asshole!!!

did my nails myself when i cant sleep...
spent quire a few hours on it... tedious work...
this was taken in school...

my sweet lil sister bought this for me to stick on my lappy's keyboard...
shall post a pic when i have finished stickin everything up... =D

johnny bought this for me 2 weeks ago...
now i have got 2 kuromi lanyards ( one from my sister )... LOVES~

Oooooo!!!!
i can log back in le..... damn.... gave me a bad scare...

OMG!!!!!!

i cant log in my facebook account in both my laptop and IPhone...

my profile is unavailable when i tried lookin at my profile using my sister's account!!!
somebody please tell me wad happened!!! my god...

is the fake facebook thingy for real???

cuz i think i logged in once from that fake FB page...

FML!!!

A boyfriend gave a challenge to his girlfriend to live a day without him, no communications at all.
He said if she passed it, he'll love her forever.
The girlfriend agreed.
She did not text or call him the whole day.
Without knowing that her boyfriend has only 24 hours to live because he was suffering from cancer, she excitedly went to his house the next day.
Tears fall as she saw her boyfriend lying in the coffin with a note beside,

"You did it baby, can you do it everyday? I love you."

left, right, left, right, face up, face down..

tried buryin myself into the sea of soft toys on my bed and find anice sleepin position...

damn... i have been doin this for 40 minutes and yet i cant sleep...

people have always said, after drinkin, you will be able to sleep soundly but it seems that this is so so not applicable for me.... my body is practically screaming at me " HEY!!! GIVE ME SOME REST WILL YA!!! " but i just cant fall asleep...

wtf!!!! this has been goin for quite some time... it is almost like i am sleepin on alternate days... if not sleepin for a few hours per day... OMG!!!! i had this problem last year and i have consulted doctor bout it... the doctor prescribed me some sleepin pills... budden!!! he said if this carries on, then he would have to refer me to a psychiatrist!!! i dun wanna consult a psychiatrist but i dun even know what the hell is happening to me...

concerned parties have been givin me advises but none works... i cant sleep not because there are plenty of stuffs runnin through my head... i can just lay on my bed starin into the blank space for hours and hours... and of course, sometimes i do get pissed off and wanna throw my temper...

i remember on a particular night, i din get to to sleep for 3 days and i got so desperate... i started searchin around in my Iphone applications and viola! i found this application name "Sleep Machine"... damn!!! there's my saviour!! alas, it proved to be of no use to me... tried takin cough mixture and flu tablet together ( the small yellow ones ), it still din work... by right, this cocktail of medicines should make me feel damn drowsy and fall asleep as soon as i hit the saacks... WTH!!!

it is takin a toll on me... i am losing focus and everything... ARGH!!!

SO FREAKIN FRUSTRATED!!! EVEN NOW!!!

I NEED SLEEPIN PILLS!!!

hello! it is me again!

and hell yeah!! i cant sleep yet again!!!

look around in youtube and found this in youtube and i totally love it at first sight... heheh..

johnny came into my mind, reminiscing some past with my ex and how it is applicable for me... i totally admit i love bikes!!! (you see, i have been pillioned on a bike when i was as young as 7 years old... maybe this is how i took a great liking for bikes) and i look forward to ownin one... then i can ride out with my friends, go out at my convinience, decorate it with kuromi!!!

anyway i have always complain how frustrated i was whenever im caught in a jam (in car) and bikes are always the answer to the frustrating jam... it makes alot of difference ya know... while the drivers sulk bitterly in their cars in a jam, im happily zoomin pass them (as a pilliom of course) which brought me great relief... how exciting bike rides can be ya-dah ya-dah...

BUT!!! i dislike it when it starts to rain heavily... esp when i love to wear tank tops and shorts... those usually soft rain drops felt like some tiny pebbles pelletin right through my skin... it can be so bad that the my shoulders actually turned red... darn...

fortunately, i had only maybe 3/4 encounters... first time was when i was with my ex a year plus ago... it started rainin but i was lucky that i brought my jacket out... he slowed down for me so that i can wear my jacket...

the rest of the encounters are with johnny... the first time it rained damn heavily till it was almost IMPOSSIBLE to see the road up ahead and we had to stop and seek shelter... we were all drenched... my sister and i were shivering like crazy... it rained heavily for hours... den johnny decided to ride home to get jacket for me and my sister... at that point of time, he was my hero... braving through the heavy rain with minimal clarity vision of the road and gettin himself pelleted by the big raindrops and gettin all drenched again... *starry eyes* heh heh...

after quite long time ( he had to travel at low speed ), he returned with army jackets or were those raincoats??? !!!

the both of us actually still got the mood to camwhore

the third encounter was drizzlin... i totally like it... i find it romantic for some reason.. damn..

the forth encounter was braving through the heavy rain too... better to endure the pain for the moment than having to seek shelter, shivering and waitin for the rain to stop, which i dunno when it will stop... get it all over with... heh heh...

thats all for my rainy enocounters when ridin... and i dun hope that i will ancounter any of them again except for when it is drizzlin...

Desire Indulge

helped xuena with her blogshop...

she is totally a nice girl with amiable character... you are sure to love her cuz i love her alot... it is like "clique" at first sight... and she is really accomodating... gosh...

these are just some of the apparels i helped her with... she have lots of other apparels...

take a look...

here's the link to her blogshop on facebook:

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/DesireIndulge

and oh yeah, i am not given any credits for posting this up, but rather on my own accord... she is jus such a sweet gal la!!!

plus... did u notice the colour of my hair??? it is evenly colored now compared to before (refer to older post)... i was so lazy to do touch up my hair colour till one fine day... guess wad... my hair was bleached and dyed by Elmer... woohoo!!! not too bad huh? the dye i bought have got red tint to it, but i guess the washings must have caused the colour to fade... T~T

AFST Social Night (19th Feb)

Johnny asked me to be his date for his social night and i agreed....

he waited for me outside my house as i was taking forever to get myself prepared... gosh i was in for a shock when i saw him... he was much tanner than before!!! actually i m no different from him... hehe..

the bouquet of tulips which he gave me...

my first time receivin tulips... refreshin to me...

camwhored with the flowers while makin our way to Grand Hyatt

i got bored and started sappin away... =)

NG1

( the same old him who always closes his eyes whenever there is flash in phototaking)

NG2

not too bad... at least there is some improvements... heheh

finally!!!

and the dinner starts...

Johnny was a gentleman for takin food to my plate for every dish...

i did not exchanged much words with the people sittin at the same table as i dunno dem except for keehan and Johnny..

thats keehan...

a new gf i have made... Elaine

shall end this post abruptly... =D